The Home Improvement Cycle

Hammer with Glasses

I better safety up before using this bad boy!

I’ve been watching home improvement shows again. I really should just stick to watching Tiny House Hunters and feel smug in my smaller than average house, because my bed could be a “claustrophobic morgue-drawer nightmare” as Chuck Wendig says in his hilarious post: An Open Letter to Tiny House Hunters. Watch out, bad language warning!

Anyway, because of all this Property-Brothers-Fixer-Upper-House-Hunters-Moon-Edition viewing, we have decided to have some work done in our garage. The problem is that having any large-scale work done on your house is like planning a party. And while I love going to parties, planning them makes me doubt I will ever smile again.

Instead of caterers, you are dealing with painters, installers, and HOAs. It’s all a dance, too. Before you can paint, you need to have the electricians install the new outlet, but before you do that, you need to plan where the cabinets are going. Do you want a new garage door that is up to code and looks better than the one with two-by-four crossbeams and old bumper stickers all over it? Then you need a permit and approval from your HOA. Oh and also, you need to either paint the new garage door the same color as the old one, or paint the entire house. If you want to paint the house, then you really should get your gutter work done so they can be painted at the same time.

This is where my head explodes. If I can’t get it done “I Dream of Jeannie”- style, then I’m just not doing it.

Then I calm down. Eventually, I will watch another HGTV show and think, maybe…just maybe…it’s not so bad. What’s the number for the electrician again?

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